A single rose

At the entrance gate to my house there are flowers where the fence and gate meet. My mom had planted tulips and light flowers for spring. No roses were planted there. Yet when the gate was opening we saw a single rose in bloom amid all the other flowers. Just one rose, a deep crimson with perfect petals.

A single rose.

My brother loved roses.

Pray

Please pray for my brother's soul.
Please pray for my family.
Please pray that my brother can see how much we love him.

Pray for him. Pray for us.
Lord, I pray you will watch over him and my family and help us through these difficult times.

I try to hold on to this world with everything I have
But I feel the weight of what it brings, and the hurt that tries to grab
The many trials that seem to never end, His word declares this truth
That we will enter in this rest with wonders anew

But I hold on to this hope and the promise that He brings
That there will be a place with no more suffering
There will be a day with no more tears
No more pain, and no more fears
There will be a day when the burdens of this place
Will be no more, we'll see Jesus face to face
But until that day, we'll hold on to you always

I know the journey seems so long
You feel you're walking on your own
But there has never been a step
Where you've walked out all alone

Troubled soul don't lose your heart
Cause joy and peace he brings
And the beauty that's in store
Outweighs the hurt of life's sting

But I hold on to this hope and the promise that He brings
That there will be a place with no more suffering

There will be a day with no more tears
No more pain, and no more fears
There will be a day when the burdens of this place
Will be no more, we'll see Jesus face to face
But until that day, we'll hold on to you always

I can't wait until that day where the very one
I've lived for always will wipe away the sorrow that I've faced
To touch the scars that rescued me from a life of shame and misery
O, this is why, this is why I sing

There will be a day with no more tears
No more pain, and no more fears
There will be a day when the burdens of this place
Will be no more, we'll see Jesus face to face

There will be a day with no more tears
No more pain, and no more fears
There will be a day when the burdens of this place
Will be no more, we'll see Jesus face to face

There will be a day he will wipe away the tears
He will wipe away the tears
He will wipe away the tears
There will be a day

Wow.

So I do believe that my "friend" has stopped talking to me over a facebook wall post. Yes a facebook wall post. She said that I "called her out" on facbeook since I said "Hey I hope you're okay. Just to let you know we have our psych exam next Wednesday."
That is all I said. No more, no less. I had reminded her several times before that we have had quizzes due since she has been sick and has had to miss class frequently. Trying to send her a helpful reminder and knowing that she doesn't respond to my texts about psychology when she's not in class, I simply posted a reminder on her facebook. So much for trying to be helpful.
And she said that I "called her out." So now she's not coming to class, I didn't see her at the exam, and I know that she has already audited another class because she got into a fight with another friend. If she is going to audit/not show up for class because she's mad at someone then she's never going to graduate.
To look at this from a "psychological" point of view, I think she feels guilty for missing her classes. I know she has been sick, but to speculate, I am also aware that she has missed other classes because she was "hungry" or her "laptop died" so there was no point in going. To get mad at someone who is just sending a simple reminder points to feelings of guilt for not being in class in the first place.
Either that or she has already been upset with me for something else and just used this as an excuse to lash out, although I don't really understand what I did wrong.
Perhaps I'm looking at this from the wrong point of view, since in this situation I would be biased towards my own side of the story. I just don't see how reminding her about an exam was "calling her out." If I had intended on "calling her out", I would've said: "I'm calling you out because you haven't been in class and we have an exam next Wednesday. Be prepared."

I just don't understand.

You Raise Me Up

I never fully realized how wonderful this song is. I think it's because it was so popular at one point that I focused on his other music since everyone knew this song. I was listening to it in the car today and it actually brought a tear to my eye. (I did not shed that tear since my makeup looks great today... Just saying.)
I really think that everyone should really listen to it. Hear the words and the music. It's such a beautiful work of art. (Having said that, so is all his music.)
 
"You Raise Me Up"
Josh Groban

When I am down and, oh my soul, so weary;
When troubles come and my heart burdened be;
Then, I am still and wait here in the silence,
Until you come and sit awhile with me.

You raise me up, so I can stand on mountains;
You raise me up, to walk on stormy seas;
I am strong, when I am on your shoulders;
You raise me up... To more than I can be.

You raise me up, so I can stand on mountains;
You raise me up, to walk on stormy seas;
I am strong, when I am on your shoulders;
You raise me up... To more than I can be.

There is no life - no life without its hunger;
Each restless heart beats so imperfectly;
But when you come and I am filled with wonder,
Sometimes, I think I glimpse eternity.

You raise me up, so I can stand on mountains;
You raise me up, to walk on stormy seas;
I am strong, when I am on your shoulders;
You raise me up... To more than I can be.

You raise me up, so I can stand on mountains;
You raise me up, to walk on stormy seas;
I am strong, when I am on your shoulders;
You raise me up... To more than I can be.

You raise me up... To more than I can be.


I am ridiculously excited for his concert this summer. It'll be the first time seeing him live, and I really hope it won't be the last. It's amazing how quickly my tastes in music change.

I feel like I'll be one of the few younger people going to the concert out of my own will. My nana loves Josh Groban, and I've only ever seen women that are 35+ like him too (that's being kind). Beings how I'm 20, it'll be an interesting experience. I really want younger people to like his music so I hope there are a lot of people there in my age group that like him and aren't just being forced to go!

Sakura

It is a very windy day out, and on UD campus that can only mean one thing: The sakura petals are flying everywhere. Despite the fact that it's cloudy, to see the petals float in the air is really quite beautiful. It also makes me think of Tamaki and inspires me to be like him for the day.
It's a shame that I'm too much like Kyouya to pose as Tamaki. It's a shame to say that Tamaki is too flamboyant for me since I'm female. To put this in context for non Ouran fans, I'm too serious about my studies to be flouncy and dramatic. (Corrinne don't argue with this. Just accept the fact that without you I have become much too serious.)
But the sakura petals really do inspire me to act entirely too dramatic for my own good. Luckily, I will not act on such inspiration.
I have homework to do.

Success!

I am now scheduled for my fall classes. It is so exciting! I have five courses I'm taking next semester, and I was able to get into all the classes I had originally planned on except for one (the psychology class). Definitely a huge relief.

I saw someone today who I used to know. We were "good" friends once, but things ended on very bad terms. Apparently we were standing at the same crosswalk together. I didn't even notice her until she walked in front of me and sped off! I had thought when the friendship ended that if I saw her again I would probably be really bitter and angry still. However, I really didn't have any inclination towards anger or bitterness. I suppose it is because my soul is a lot calmer now and I realize that things like that aren't really important. It hasn't even been a year since we ended the friendship and I really don't harbor any ill will towards the person. I'm pretty sure she has some bitterness and anger towards me since she practically ran past me and avoided the same route I was taking (we were both headed in the same direction). I can't blame her really. If I hadn't been saved then I probably would feel so much anger still.
I guess I have really great friends now too so I don't focus on past friendships that have ended (this is a shout out to you Clem!)

Linguistics was quite interesting today. My professor made a joke that everyone understood and it was really funny. We watched a video too on English dialects and some dialects are really hard to understand- mostly the obscure ones. I don't think I will ever use the word schlep seriously.

Relief of the ages.

I was able to register for psycholinguistics and intro to cognitive science.
I still am trying to register for Italian 105, but I need someone else to do that for me.
And I was able to register for Spanish 106.
I'm also registered for a breadth requirement: Revolutionary America, since I probably won't be able to take psych 209 until next spring. I figured learning about the American Revolution in depth would be a good breadth requirement to take.
I was going to take another linguistics course, but they don't have any other courses available in the fall. (How can someone take major requirements if the courses aren't offered?)

All I know is that I'm relieved to be in psycholinguistics and cognitive science, especially since there were a lot of people signing up for them already.

Math is aggravating.

Let me preempt this by saying I am terrible at math. I will never been good at math and I have to work hard just to do well in the most basic math class that's designed for people who are terrible with math.

In my math class we have to do two projects- one is on our own, and the other is with a partner.
I don't mind working with partners. However, I do mind working with partners who take their time doing their part of the project. The biggest problem I have with this is that I have to wait for them to finish their part of the project before I can finish mine.
Naturally, I asked my partner to be done with his part by today. He said that he's been working outside all weekend and didn't have a chance to do it. Then he further explained that he got a book and was babysitting. I have been working all weekend and committed myself to celebrating the Resurrection of Jesus at Church on the worship team, but I still was able to get all of my work done. (Except for reading Heart of Darkness because I fall asleep when I read it. I've read it before so I'm not worried about it.)
He told me that he would have it done sometime this week. Sometime this week. It is due on MONDAY. I have an exam on Wednesday and another exam on Monday, including a paper due on Thursday, on top of regular homework. I told him that it's aggravating because I have to do the hardest part of the work and I can't do it all in one weekend since I'll make mistakes and I'll have to spend the entire weekend doing the project. If I didn't have exams to study for then I wouldn't be so stressed and upset about it. But now that the end of the semester is coming up quickly, I have to carefully plan my time where I need to. Waiting for someone who's taking their time to finish their part of the project is severely aggravating. I even told him that if he sent out emails he could get it done quickly and not have to worry about going out and doing the work that way.
His part of the project isn't hard. He should make the effort since he knows another person's grade depends on it.

Easter Sunday

Today was a wonderful day. The Lord was smiling down on all today who were worshiping the Resurrection of Christ. I was able to sit down after dinner to talk to my cousins about what Easter really means. I read scripture and let my mom help me once it came to Jesus' Crucifixion. I also explained why Jesus died on the Cross and that even now, if you accept Jesus into your heart, you will be forgiven of your sins. My youngest cousins seemed most effected by it, and I will pray that it lasts. I really felt a Holy presence in the house, knowing that God was touching hearts and opening their eyes, even just a little. The eldest cousin seemed least effected by it, as if she knew the 'story' and didn't need to listen to it. This is one time I was extremely thankful that her younger sisters didn't just sit there like she did, but they listened intently. I will pray for her. I will pray that she will give up her prideful ways and give her heart to Christ.


Before I came downstairs I was talking to my mom and she told me she appreciates what I did. She knew that the girls needed to hear this and start to realize the truth and that Easter should be celebrated as what it is really about. She told me that it was very emotional for everyone and that she was glad we were able to teach the girls about Jesus' sacrifice.


My prayer is that all may come to know God and Jesus and accept them into their hearts.

Good Friday!

Worship this evening was amazing. It was an extremely powerful evening as we looked at Jesus' last words before he died on the cross. Before this year I never really fully understood what it means to have Jesus die for our sins, to see our sins nailed on the cross. Now, after being saved, I see. That's all I can really say about it. I see. I will never be able to truly fathom the depths of His love, but it's such an overwhelming thought that it brings tears to my eyes every time.
After worship and the service there was a great reception where everyone got together. It was great to talk to the worship leader, Vince, as well as Mama and Papa Rogers. Before I realized it, it was already 9:00! I wanted to stay and talk to everyone more and I absolutely love spending time with them. They're such wonderful people.
Sunday should be a great service too, but I'll have to remember to bring a lot of tissues.

When I got home my brother was here. He was here earlier but I didn't expect him to have stayed so long. I don't really talk to him, and he is a person who acts as if he has faith in God and Christ, but it's easy to see through his lies. I pray that he does find faith because he desperately needs it. Sadly, I feel his heart is hardened.
After my mom took my brother home my sister's husband came downstairs to check and see if anything went missing. (My brother steals as much as he can when he can.) It turns out that two video games were stolen. I also found out that some of my medicine was stolen. I take medicine in the evening for insomnia and keep a precise count on how many I have every day, and I hide it.
My dad called my mom as they were on their way to drop him off and told him to find the games and that he was no longer allowed to come to our house.
My brother said, "I swear to God I didn't take them."
My dad replied, "Don't swear to someone you don't know."

Psychology.

Psychologically speaking, I think there are a lot of people who feel guilty about something and internalize it. So when someone tells them or reminds them of something they feel as if they're being interrogated and get mad. It's all within themselves and when they recall their own guilt they have to take it out on someone.

Psychologically speaking, I think that people should speak to someone about these feelings of guilt so they can pin-point the problem and will be able to resolve it.

Psychologically speaking, I think that people won't admit to these feelings of guilt or don't realize they have these feelings so they are unaware of the problems they are creating for themselves.


Psychologically speaking, I think that people will bury these feelings so deep that years from when they first felt their guilt they will not realize when people are being kind or trying to help.

Psychologically speaking, I think everyone deals with feelings of guilt. It just depends on your ability to resolve it.

Psychologically speaking, I'm not a psychologist.

And psychologically speaking, I think everyone needs God and Jesus.

Rumors

I have realized that while rumors circulate around all departments on campus and among students, I have never seen so many rumors in one semester about a particular department. More specifically, certain people.
It seems that every time I'm in the department (I will not specifically name what it is) I hear something new about a professor or a TA, then when I'm in class I hear from fellow students something entirely different. The only things that are most likely true are the basics: TAs and professors have meetings to discuss the homework, midterms, finals, and the grading system; the professors are borderline genius- or just really really smart.
All the other rumors I've heard and completely contradictory to each other. It's quite amazing to see so many rumors buzzing in the air about so few people.

By the end of the semester people are going to think that one of the professors is a teenage mutant ninja turtle for all we know. (Hyperbole- or is it?) If someone reads this blog from the department I wouldn't be surprised if they actually believed it. "There's a teenage mutant ninja turtle among us!"

And it's Good Friday! We must look at the Easter holiday for what it is- not for the eggs, the rabbits, and the chocolate. Personally, I think the "Easter bunny" is a thief since he (she?) cannot lay eggs and therefore steals them from chickens. Shouldn't it be the "Easter Chicken"?

God loves me.

He knows I'm having a rough day so He saw it fit for me to find some lindt chocolate bars in my room.
I thank you God for this small discovery, knowing that with you Lord, I can persevere through.

I love God. <3

Ain't no rest for the wicked

 There's something irrevocably horrendous about today.
Of course there are always highlights (unless you have nothing but horribleness everywhere you go). I was able to go to another experiment and help activate electrodes for an EEG. And my professor said that he's going to give me an educational video on EEG nets so I can learn how to apply that to experiments (nerdy I know, but I think it's awesome). I'm learning a lot from these experiments and I only hope that I can continue to learn.

I got creeped  on by another creeper. (Creeped is now officially a past-tense-verb.) This time it was a trucker. Oh yeah. He had to have a few missing teeth and looked like he hadn't bathed in months. He kept honking at me on the way home and was going the same route I was for a while. I got freaked out so I took a back road suddenly so he couldn't turn, just in case he was following me. It seems to be a trait that I inherit from my mother's side of the family. Thanks mom. Thanks.

When I came home today I was immediately asked to do this-that-and-the-other (like clean the entire kitchen, which was a complete mess- it wasn't like that this morning). I explained that I had to do a lot of homework- mainly math and linguistics. I also have to write a paper for Western Civilization, which I am starting on. It seemed as if my necessity to do homework was not a good enough excuse because it was clear that they thought I was wrong and were mad. Nevertheless, I went downstairs and started on the pile of work waiting for me.
I had dinner with my family and helped clean up afterward. At that point I said that I had to go back downstairs and do more homework. This led to the topic that I don't help out around the house enough and it's "weird" that I do my homework for hours on end. I explained that they had told me the most important thing is my education and that if I didn't study and do my homework then I wouldn't be doing as well as I am. However, they said that it doesn't take much to help out around the house for however long they need me to (time wise- which could be 5 minutes or over an hour). After further explaining that I try to help out as much as possible, but I can't sacrifice my good grades, they said that I need to help out more like everyone else does. I have been hearing this since the beginning of the semester- I don't help out enough around the house. Perhaps it's because I'm hardly ever home because I'm in class.
My point here is that I cannot do both things at an even level. Inevitably I must choose to focus more heavily on one thing. Before the semester began I told them I was going to be doing a lot of homework all the time and would otherwise be spending my days in class, but I would be there on weekends at least to help out. Otherwise, I would help out when I had the chance. Now that I am putting this into practice I am being told I'm not helping out as much as I can. However, they still expect to me to get good grades, a proper amount of sleep, and a healthy social life, all on top of regularly going to class. On top of that I'm involved in the experiments and am an active member in the Church. I cannot do all these things on an even level.
God comes first, so I will not stop going to Church- It was mentioned that I should "take a Sunday off" when I'm tired. If I did that, I'd never go to Church.
Good grades are a must- If my dad is paying for my education then he expects good grades and likewise I expect them from myself. I have not missed a class this semester as of now, and I don't intend on it.
Sleep is important but not a top priority- I need a healthy amount of sleep during the night, but I also drink heavy amounts of caffeine during the day to make up for it.
A healthy social life is probably the least important thing on my list- However, whenever I do meet up with friends it's always to study and review (usually for linguistics). I make time for friends every once in a while for a few hours at a time- usually during breaks in my class schedule. And by a while I mean a while.

As for helping out at home- As soon as I get home I usually have homework to do, true. But I also stop to help out, usually as soon as I get home. I always try to take time out of my schedule to help out, but when there is a lot of homework to do I have to get it done. Otherwise I'll be up until 1:00 am or later.
I'm trying to keep an even balance on everything. I can't do it all. I explained that I can't do it all because there will always have to be a sacrifice somewhere. I help out as much as possible, and I keep saying that because I can't stress it enough.

So after that discussion I was told to go back to doing my homework, but my dad was outside playing with my niece although he wanted to get ready for bed for work the next day. I didn't want him staying up so late since he has to get up at 4:00 in the morning. I went outside to play with her instead and he insisted that I go inside and do my homework. I declined and let him go in and take a shower. I was told that it would only be "a few minutes" then I could go and finish my homework. "A few minutes" must mean at least a half an hour- I lost track of time, but by the time I got down here it was already 8:00 (dinner was at about 6:30).

Bottom line- It seems as if they are put out by the constant amount of homework I have. I was told that I had overloaded myself with classes this semester, but in actuality there's just a lot of homework to do now because the end of the semester is approaching and everyone is assigning everything all at once. I'm handling the stresses university life is bringing me very well. Being bombarded with criticism about my lack of help around the house is what is stressing me out the most. Every time I go to do homework I feel incredibly guilty because I'm not doing something to help my family out.
I'm going to try harder to help out more, but I refuse to let my grades decline when there are seven other people living in the house (plus a baby) who are just as capable. (Subtracting my parents it's five.) And I adamantly refuse to sacrifice any Church time or any chance to worship God.

I know this entire blog is just a long rant from a biased point of view and it's extremely whiny, and I apologize for that.

(Side note: The title of the blog is a song by Cage the Elephant.)

Loopholes

There are so many loopholes and requirements at the university.
It's a never ending battle with class registration regarding prerequisites, majors, minors, and general annoyances.
When checking (and rechecking) to see if my courses were okay and not filled yet for fall semester I found out that for the psychology courses you either have to have a major or a minor in psychology or neuroscience. Upon further examination (and emailing) it turns out that I would have to add psychology as my minor and then switch my minor or remove it at any given point so I could take the classes I need. It's a loophole in the school system, and I don't exactly understand why the restrictions are there. It seems that they're trying to make sure that "general" students can't take the courses without having a major or minor declared, but all it's doing is getting more people to switch their minor then remove it.
There are very many loopholes in the education system and I'm sure that with enough research I could probably graduate now with a degree in biochemistry. (It's a hyperbole of course, but you get the point.)

Humidity and Starbucks

I would like to say that the weather channel likes to lie a lot. I was online to check today's weather (this morning) and it said we were supposed to get evening showers. It rained all day except in the evening.
The worst thing about spring and summer is the humidity. I think it's the only part about the seasons that I do not like. (This part is a typical girl paragraph.) I had my hair done perfectly this morning -even where my mom complimented me as soon as she saw it- and then by 11:00 it was a frizzy mess. My hair was even pulled up. I feel like I have to take a picture to prove my hair is capable of looking nice.

I went to Starbucks today to do a long study session with some people and do some reading for linguistics. That was the most productive part of my day (outside of classes). Now my book bag smells like coffee and I just keep thinking "I will drink this coffee!"

My sister is having a baby girl, which is absolutely great. I was very excited to find that out.

I got absolutely no homework done this evening, except for two questions for my math homework due this Friday. Thankfully, I don't have much due this week. I was just hoping to get more done than I did. My cousin and I had to watch Lilly while my parents and sister and her husband were out with the baby-thing, so when I got home at 6:00pm I lost my chance for homework.

I'm chatting with Corrinne right now (i.e. my best friend) and I was able to use a song from Hetalia in proper context:
"Germany! Germany! Germany is a really, really nice place.
Even though I'm your prisoner, you give me food.
And it doesn't suck like English food.
Sausages, with cheeses always taste so good.
It'd be heaven for a dog. Yeah, that's Germany.


Tell me, how is it you Germans are so robust? You're crushing me with your intimidation.
My fragility causes me to openly weep out of fear. Your women terrify me.
Is it the norm to drink a barrel of beer and then bust it on somebody's head?
Please don't come to my place in large mobs! German tourists are scary!
Even the girls that are from Germany are more rugged than I am.
Yahoo!" 

There really is no need to say what it's about, but you should listen to this song/read the lyrics and laugh.


And I thought I'd post some pictures from Moulin Rouge because these are photos that will remind people of "Truth, Beauty, Freedom, and Love."

Jammin' to Bowie

I was listening to David Bowie in the car this morning. It is a very good way to wake up. Start off with "Starman" and end with "Diamond Dogs."

On the way home listen to "Chilly Down" from Labyrinth. Listen to that a few times, but throw the other songs from Labyrinth in there too- especially "Magic Dance."

It's a good car ride to and from classes.
I highly suggest it.

Happy Sunday!

Today was a nice Church day. Worship was awesome, which it always is, but I always have to say it because it's true.

I finished my linguistics homework due Tuesday and I'm worried because if I do it quickly (relatively speaking) then I think there's got to be something really wrong with it. That's my rational though, but on Tuesday I'm going to be joining some friends at the local Starbucks before class to work through it and make sure everything's okay. It's becoming a weekly occurrence now.


Today was my great-grandmother's 94th birthday. It's amazing how well she's doing. There was a lot of family there and it was very... interesting. They live in a small house so it's really hot with everyone crowded in there. My niece is here for the week too and it was adorable when I first saw her. She was so happy to see me (and looked completely adorable).

There's not much else to say for now.

Oh! You Pretty Little Things.

The title has nothing to do with this blog post, other than I was listening to "Oh! You Pretty Little Things" by David Bowie earlier. It would be a great song to wake up to.

I would like to thank Corrinne's dad first for the comment he left on my previous post. Letting it sink in a little, it really helped me and he's completely awesome.

I took my car in today to get the recall on it fixed and an oil change. Now my car is no longer a "screaming metal death trap of doom." In other words, the decepticon was transformed into an autobot. It took all day to get it done so I was lucky when my dad took me there to drop it off and pick it up.

My parents got into an argument today and it was not necessarily an enjoyable moment. My dad ended up leaving for the day because he was so mad. I don't really have much else to say about the subject other than everything is back to normal already.

On a great note, I'm definitely going to see Josh Groban in concert. It's going to be superbly delightful. I am so thankful to God that I can go. It gives me something to look forward to. (Well I look forward to a lot of things so this is more of a figure of speech in this instance.)

Church is tomorrow, which means that I'm aiming for sleep by 11:00. All this week I've been getting to bed really late. I don't really know why since I get up so early. I think it's mainly stress, but I shall persevere!

Really now?

Today was an okay day. The best thing about it was the experiment I got to observe. They said that they'd love for me to come back if I want and I'm good company too. I learned so much about it and can't wait to see the results.

When I got home everything seemed hectic as usual. This morning I was talking to my mom about how I'm tired and school is difficult and she said "there's no harder job than being a mom." I said that I don't necessarily agree because there are tons of jobs that are tiring and really difficult, looking at it from an objective point of view. I also included that I believe that being a mom is a really difficult and tiring job and that I understand why parents are so tired. And I even agreed that I haven't experienced it so I wouldn't know, but I -objectively- think that there are difficult jobs out there, normally because they are really dangerous.
When I got home I checked my facebook (typical right?) and saw that my sister commented on my status saying that I said "being a student is more tiring and difficult than being a mom." Those words never came out of my mouth, and it upsets me that my mom said that when I never even hinted that that's what I meant. I just said that I was tired cause I had class all week and haven't been sleeping well. There was no indication that I thought being a student was more difficult. I said it was difficult, but I agreed that it wasn't as difficult as being a mom. Apparently she took the entire conversation as an argument that I think being a student is harder. I even said, "I'm trying to look at this objectively and I think there are some jobs that are as difficult or as tiring. But I don't know because I am not in a job like that and I'm not a mom."

This is really frustrating because now my family thinks that I am being all angsty and saying that I have it worse off, even though I love the mental stimulation of college. It is tiring and it can be difficult, but I love it, and I don't think it's harder than being a mom.

Creepers be creepin'

Yesterday I was studying with a "friend" and it was really awkward and creepy. He kept asking me all these personal questions like "How many boyfriends have you had?" and he even hinted (not so subtly) that he would have sex with me. Excuse me, man-child, but I have no reason to even consider that possibility, especially now. I told him flat out that I made a promise to God and my father and that it wasn't going to happen. Period. End of story.
Of course he kept asking me about relationships and trying to gauge whether or not I was interested. I told him the truth: I don't have time for the social obligations of a relationship. I am focusing on my schoolwork, which will make a much bigger impact in my life. Being in a relationship means you have to meet a certain criterion and uphold the social obligation of continuously spending time with the person, calling constantly, and making certain days (such as anniversaries) important.
In other words, I'm being practical and realistic. If God saw it fit for me to be in a relationship I would know, and He does not. So I do not.
And I couldn't date someone like that. People often argue that you can't be picky, but I beg to differ. God made me picky so I would be able to be with a man that God sees fit for me to be with. The social obligations of this world mean little to me. God's word is so much more.
I spoke to my friend Clem about this too and he completely agrees with me. He's such a good friend.

On and awesome subject, my friend Jodi said she'd go to the Josh Groban concert with me. Ahhh! So exciting. We have to plan out the details, but it'll be completely awesome so I am really excited. I talked to my dad about it and he said that he would be more inclined to let me go with a friend so it's completely possible. So exciting!

Harry Potter DVD release (Spoiler alerts)

I am going to the midnight release of the DVD for Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows Part 1. SO EXCITED. I'm sportin' my Harry Potter gear, although I would like to post something that I have been discussing with my friend, Michelle.

"There are so many people who absolutely LOVE Dumbledore, but by the end of the seventh book I felt myself disliking him. I feel like the reason I have a problem with Harry, to an extent, is because I have a problem with Dumbledore. He relied on Harry's starvation for a family and figures of authority to guide him in order to condition him to believe that he had to defeat Voldemort, no matter what the cost. He was entirely aware of this from the beginning as soon as he placed Harry on the Dursley's doorstep, knowing that they would not treat him the same as their own son. Since Dumbledore was the pseudo-grandfather figure he knew he could easily get Harry to do what he wanted, when he wanted. For example, in the sixth book when he tells Harry that he's disappointed in him in order to give Harry motivation to obtain the much needed memory. Harry bases his motivation on the desire to please one of the only family figures in his world. In the end when Dumbledore tells Harry that he always had a choice and could always choose not to fight Voldemort he is still lying about his blatant conditioning to get Harry to do as he wishes. He contradicts himself further by saying it was all a matter of choice, yet he had to "protect" Harry from the truth. He had to protect Harry from the truth so Harry couldn't make a decision for himself.

"Additionally, Rowling raises Dumbledore to such an elevated level of sainthood that when Rita Skeeter publishes information on the late Dumbledore's history, people are appalled to hear about the relationship between Grindelwald and himself, not to mention Aberforth and Ariana. It shows that Dumbledore was entirely as arrogant and self-centered as James, Sirius, and even Harry were about themselves. In a sense, Dumbledore was creating a miniature self in Harry- and if we had more evidence of this it would be safe to assume in James and Sirius as well. (In Harry's defense I would like to add that he does have some of his mother in him, which helps him make the right decisions when he had to -for once- do it himself.) When the truth actually is revealed about Dumbledore's former character, he says that it is because of in his youth he did things he's not proud of. I apologize Dumbledore for my bluntness, but I must say that doing things your not proud of in your youth and teaming up with one of the greatest Dark Wizard's of all time is a completely different manner. Not only that, but he also says that he was a coward and he couldn't face Grindelwald. When the entire world was crying out for help, Dumbledore was hiding, afraid of facing his long time friend (or if we take Rowling's view into account- his lover). What happened to the greater good? The most aggravating part of this, to me, is when Dumbledore urges and guides him to have courage and love for others, when he himself didn't. We don't get a full look into Dumbledore's past, and perhaps if we did we would be able to understand the evolution of his story. However, Rowling saw it fit to provide us with just this amount of information, and no matter how you look at it, Dumbledore is far from the great man that everyone claims him to be. He even kills himself out of his own stupid curiosity to try on the ring containing the resurrection stone. That really aggravates me as well because if it wasn't for that utter lapse in judgment, Snape would probably not have had to agree to the unbreakable vow to kill Dumbledore. Which also means that if Dumbledore wasn't dying he probably would not have thought of Malfoy to the extent of sending Snape in to commit the act. Instead he probably would've conditioned Malfoy to change his mind and join the Order of the Phoenix. Voldemort may scare people into doing things, but he never is sneaky like Dumbledore. I wonder if Dumbledore should have been a Slytherin." 

This idea about Dumbledore comes directly from yours truly. You may have different opinions of Dumbledore, but you have to admit that this makes you think about him in a completely different way.

There is much else that we were discussing, but I thought I would share it with you (whoever you are). 

Side note: Tomorrow is the experiment for cognitive science. SO EXCITED. (I don't want to write what it's about because the findings are going to be published.)

David Bowie: EPIC

This is David Bowie. With wolves. That's right. Real wolves.
This is why David Bowie is awesome.
This is why he will be the greatest of all time.
This is why he'll always be gorgeous and musicians will aspire to be like him.
All must love Bowie.

Question: Why is it only Wednesday?

Answer: Because Wednesday comes after Tuesday.

I woke up this morning thinking it was Friday and got all excited. Then I realized it was Wednesday and got depressed. It has nothing to do with the fact that Friday is the start of the weekend. It is entirely because today I had a math exam and on Friday I get to work on an experiment for cognitive science. Clearly the experiment is cooler.
I hope the math exam went okay. I spent a lot of time on it, so hopefully my tedious calculations and constant rechecking worked out well.

The University approved a linguistics major (B.A. only). Since I'm already going for cognitive science (B.S.) and am going to be doing the 3 Foreign Language major (B.A.) I figured I might as well do the linguistics major too. My cognitive science concentration is in linguistics anyway, so it works out perfectly. Of course, I was already planning on this, but it happened at just the right time. Now after this semester I can add the majors I (also) want to earn a degree in.

Happily, I got to talk to my friend Michelle about Harry Potter, Lord of the Rings, and all the awesomeness in between (via email). Convincing someone to watch Lord of the Rings is one of the greatest experiences you could ever have. Seriously, try it sometime.


I have to say that this is one of the best quotes from the entire trilogy that means so much, not just within the context of the trilogy but to everyone:
Frodo: I can't do this, Sam.
Sam: I know. It's all wrong. By rights we shouldn't even be here. But we are. It's like in the great stories, Mr. Frodo. The ones that really mattered. Full of darkness and danger, they were. And sometimes you didn't want to know the end. Because how could the end be happy? How could the world go back to the way it was when so much bad had happened? But in the end, it's only a passing thing, this shadow. Even darkness must pass. A new day will come. And when the sun shines it will shine out the clearer. Those were the stories that stayed with you. That meant something, even if you were too small to understand why. But I think, Mr. Frodo, I do understand. I know now. Folk in those stories had lots of chances of turning back, only they didn't. They kept going. Because they were holding on to something.
Frodo: What are we holding onto, Sam?
Sam: That there's some good in this world, Mr. Frodo... and it's worth fighting for.

I cannot express how much I love that quote. (It's from The Two Towers by the way.)
There are some things that everyone should read at least once within their lifetime (even the illiterate- have someone read it to you). The Lord of the Rings is one of them. I would suggest reading The Hobbit too, but there is a prologue in The Lord of the Rings that summarizes The Hobbit to place the story in context.

I just realized that it is 9:26 already. I was hoping to be in bed by 10:00. I don't think that's going to happen tonight. The caffeine crash is starting to take effect now. I'm surprised since I had a lot today.

As a note: I just can't take any historical figure with the name Jean-Baptiste seriously. I don't know why, but I just can't.

Tuesdays: Surprisingly Good

After talking to three people and through face-to-face contact and email, I finally got an answer about my classes... As in my dad asked his friend's wife through work about scheduling. All of the people I spoke with previously said "It's April 26, beyond that we can't give you help." My dad's friend's wife said "You can ask the professors to register you for the class early, or the coordinator for your major."
Why, yes, I do believe you are correct. If a school official can access my school records they can register me for any class at any time. Getting that help from them was quite ridiculous since I had to go through just about every route in order to get a response other than "I can't help you."

Luckily, today went much better than yesterday. Linguistics let out early and it opened with a clip from The Shining, which was surprisingly related to syntax. Any class that opens with a Jack Nicholson clip is a good class. It dealt with Garden-Paths, and my friend Jodi made a reference to Labyrinth at this point in time because she knows I am in love with Jareth. It was a highlight to my day. And the humorous moments were a good way to end this lovely (rainy) day.
I got to spend the day with my friend Clem, which was nice since we share an equal addiction to acetylcholine (caffeine). It was nice to just sit and chat for a while since there's always so much going on. Sometimes you just have to slow down and enjoy a nice latte from Starbucks on a rainy day in April.
On the way to class I got to get my chilly down with the fire gang ←Labyrinth reference.
In other words I listened to the Labyrinth soundtrack and had to listen to Chilly Down for a good while since it makes me want to dance.

You can tell it's going to be a good day when it begins with Labyrinth.

(A random historical fact: Today marks the anniversary of the beginning of the American Civil War.)

Registration

I was able to work out my registration schedule and can register for classes on April 26, which is much better than May 6. The only way I got it sorted though was when I went into the Arts and Sciences Academic Services building and pretty much demanded to see someone about this problem. I think I'm a bit like my father when it comes to these situations. I don't think I was as polite as I should have been to those in the office, but I generally wasn't rude in the sense that I didn't freak out and say "I DEMAND TO SEE THIS PERSON."
I'm a bit disappointed still that there is a roughly two week period where people with more credits than I can register before me. Other universities do it in a better way: seniors get to register the day before everyone else. Otherwise they all register at once.
I know I'm being whiny right now, but it has been a thoroughly exhausting day.

That is all for now.

One word: Grrr!!

In some good news:

I'm wearing neon green and yellow makeup today in celebration of the warm weather. How is that good instead of random? I cannot tell you. Maybe the warm weather makes it good.

I'm also hoping to go to a Josh Groban concert this summer and they have student tickets for $33 (total) for this concert, which is really cheap. (Without the student discount they're $78+ fees, minimum.) This is the first time I've seen a concert have student ticket discounts. Maybe I need to go to more concerts like this- other than the opera.

If you haven't listened to Josh Groban yet (the song 'You Raise Me Up' doesn't count), then I would highly suggest it. His newest album Illuminations is particularly enjoyable. I personally like the songs "Você Existe Em Mim", "Galileo (Someone Like You)", and "If I Walk Away." (For the song "If I Walk Away" the lyrics at the bridge are very beautiful.)
↑
Musicians really get free advertisement everywhere from their fans.

In some bad news:
This morning I sent an email to try and get my transfer credit and exemption pushed through for my Japanese courses. Well the professor I spoke to earlier about it said that all I had to do was fill out a form and that I would be exempt from the language requirement. However, that does not mean that your credits get transferred over. So now I got an email saying, "I'm sorry for the confusion, do you want to be exempt or have the transfer credits pushed through? If you're going to try and be exempt you now have to take a test, which I just thought you would pass already so I was going to exempt you but now I'm not. I can try to get your credits transferred but that doesn't mean they'll go through." Well Mr. I'm-a-professor-and-therefore-can-do-anything-I-want, thank you very much for the clarification.

So now I had to send an email saying that I would just want the credits to go through because the exemption is not important as of now. I have the emails saved to that say that he was going to exempt me from the language and it clearly specifies that I would also like to have the credits transferred, but the administration here can't seem to make up their minds as to what they mean and what they want you to do.

The education system is really aggravating me right now because all they seem to care about is the money and not the actual education of the student. If they want to become ivy-league so bad then they should really consider focusing more on the success rate of the students and the level of the education rather than making it impossible to transfer to their university because they're so impossible to work with. Grrr!!!

I am intensely dissatisfied with the infinitely growing level of human greed.

It seems that the lack of integrity and compassion is far worse than I had hoped it to be... Who am I kidding, I knew this all along. It doesn't make it any less aggravating.

I'm sure by later today I'll have some level of calm, if not resigned to the failure of the system that was supposed to be designed to help us.

Calm

I'm a lot calmer than I was yesterday. In fact I'm quite happy and felt God's presence very strongly this morning. There is still a lot of stress with the registration, but I feel as if God is going to do what is best for me. I was listening to Jeremy Camp in the car on the way to class and it was helping soothe my soul- God's message was getting to me through the music. (It wasn't just Jeremy Camp, but one of his songs really resonates within me.)

I also sent an email to the person who handles transfer credits for the language departments here at the university. She was supposed to contact me at the beginning of the semester in order to fill out the necessary paperwork to transfer my Japanese credits and have me exempt from the language requirement. Of course I'm taking a double major for a 3 Foreign Language concentration, but I also would like to have the credits transfer for Japanese so I can put on a resume that I am proficient at a college level. (I'll be taking Italian, Spanish, and Arabic for the major.) Naturally I was not provided with an email to discuss the paperwork or the transfer credit, so I am trying to get in touch with her to fill out the paperwork this week. One of my ulterior motives is to see if I can register earlier now since I'll have more credits on my transcript. (I'm not sure if it'll be 6 or 8 since language here is worth 4 credits a class, but at the other university it's worth 3 credits a class.)
Even if it doesn't make a difference with registration, it would still be nice to have the credits officially on my transcript.

Last thing: I'm hoping in my biology course we get our exams back today. I am quite nervous about my results since I didn't get a chance to study as much as I had hoped to. (Even if I studied copiously I would still say the same exact thing.)

It is time.

First post and I'm not feeling the pressure whatsoever.

I just decided to get this blog because I have a lot to say about nothing.
Call me what you will, but to put it bluntly- I'm one of those people.

A friend of mine drew a nice little chibi photo of the Goblin King himself for me. It is now proudly displayed on a binder for all to see. I am considering printing out another copy to put it up in my room. I have to say, the Goblin King is definitely a cheery site. Eminently charming and practically perfect in every way.

In further news:
I think I'm going gray. Already. People have observed that it looks like I have gray in the areas where my natural hair color is coming in. I am quite young, so I'm trying to convince myself that it's just the remnants of the bleach I have from constantly changing my hair color. However, the "gray" is in a place where bleach has never touched. I'm so old.

Still in further news:
I am very frustrated at the moment with the education system when it comes to registering for the fall semester. It seems that the university likes to allow people to register based on how many credits they have. Since it will always be a battle to get all of my credits transferred, I cannot register until May 6, while others can register this week. I would not be so aggravated if it wasn't for the fact that there are two classes that I'm extremely worried about getting into now. Both are for my major and one is an introductory course that I must take in order to be able to take any other later courses. The other is a course I am most adamant on taking as part of my concentration requirement. Both courses only have one section and seating is very limited.
I was extremely aggravated when my adviser told me that they can't reserve seats or put anyone on a waiting list, so if I can't register for a class I'm pretty much out of luck. (When I was looking up this process online, it actually says on the university website that it is possible to have a seat reserved.) I am hoping to be able to talk to someone to ensure that I am able to get into the classes I need to, but it is still an extremely stressful time.

Luckily there is always hope when it comes to such things. Before I showered this evening I was, for all extensive purposes, having a panic attack. However, I had a chance to calm down and know that God is in control of my life and that if I cannot get into a course then it is all in His plan. Naturally, I will feel disappointed to an extent if I cannot take the course (and probably angry), but like tonight, I will get over it and I will trust in God. He is entirely in control and knows exactly what He's doing, even if I cannot see it myself. It is definitely very calming to know that God will always be there to choose the right path for me to take. I may fight it, but as soon as I let go of my pride and belief that I can control everything, I know that God will take me in the right direction.
I trust in God, and I need to detach myself constantly from the reality of this world to focus on what God wants for me and let him take the reigns. Otherwise, this world can easily engulf all those to its folly.

(Edit: The Goblin King is currently my photo for this blog, simply because I don't have the energy at this moment to reformat a photo of myself.)